new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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