Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
