Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
