Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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