I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize