i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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