just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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