Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
