It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize