I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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