the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
