U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
