Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
