Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
