No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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