I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
this is an emotional support booty call
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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