I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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