so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This can only be settled by a dance off.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
