operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
