I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
