I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
