Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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