I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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