i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
