I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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