I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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