dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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