My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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