I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
