fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
