I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
