Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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