you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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