the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
