I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
