ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
