You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
