Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
