how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
