Since when is my name a synonym for head?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
