is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
