dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
