i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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