A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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