You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't think brook has ever known best
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
