White coat. Heels.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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