Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize