i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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