hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
