It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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