Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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