I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
