My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
