I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize