we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
