I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
