my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
