i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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