Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
