ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's blow job season.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
