Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
