Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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