When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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