when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
