i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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