just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
