11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
