So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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