chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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