in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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