if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize