why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
