erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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