Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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