My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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