Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
