Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
