So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
