who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
