So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
