I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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