and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
