Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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