I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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