Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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