only you would photoshop your dick
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
