Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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