You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize