is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
