My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
