So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
