I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
