Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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