Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize