I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
