This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
