There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
