America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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