I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
