Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
