Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
