I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
