He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize